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Welp.
Once again, I couldn’t be patient and wait. No, I had to ask point blank questions and get an answer out of M. regarding his feelings for me. We are still at square 1. FML.
I just don’t get how someone can go from asking me out, taking it back, confirming that he liked me, to “I don’t know how I feel about you”. Why do I attract guys who have no idea how they feel?
I deserve someone who wants me and knows it. Why have I let this go for a few months? Because he was giving me what I wanted. When we hang out we act just like a couple. He’s absolutely wonderful to me in that respect. But he doesn’t know if he likes me?? I can’t believe that.
Either something is holding him back or he’s just been using me for some action. But I’ve known him for over 3 years. I know his character, and I can’t imagine that he would do that to me. So what is going on? I can’t get a straight answer out of him, and I basically gave him an ultimatum - as much as I hate those.
I told him at this point I want an actual relationship and I expect him to reciprocate those feelings. If he’s incapable of doing so, then putting me in this waffle situation isn’t fair to me or my feelings. I deserve more respect than that.
And he should know as his best friend, I am there for him and he can tell me anything. What do I do? No one can give me advice.
And now I feel like just going back and apologizing to him and asking if we can just forget the conversation happened. Why do I have such a fucking guilty conscious?
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I want someone to plant me a field of daffodils
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Your word of the day is betide
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Anamorphic graffiti by Alexis Facca aka Paper Donut
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Your word of the day is Endure
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Untitled
Well I haven’t dried out my tear ducts yet. I’ve been dehydrated for the past two days, though.
Something that shouldn’t mean anything changed everything. I got into a car accident with Mike, his car accidentally hit mine at a stop light, pushing my car into the one in front of mine. His car nor the lady’s in front of me was damaged. Mine had a crumpled grill and the front was a little bent in. What I didn’t know was that the damage was evidently more than that, because later the hood flew up onto my windshield while returning home. The radiator was leaking as well. Total estimate? 6,000 with labor. Absolutely ridiculous. Cars cost way too much.
I’m not mad about the accident. I’m glad everyone is okay and no one was hurt. I don’t put a lot of value on something like a car. Yes, it sucks, but everything will turn out okay in the end.
My parents had a different perspective. They were so angry about the car, and the accident, which I may remind you, is an ACCIDENT, and blamed everything on Mike. They used the fact that my car got damaged among other things as a judge of his character, and it is absolutely appauling. They claimed that nothing good “karma-wise” happens when I am with him, and they are forbidding me from seeing him ever again. They even had the audacity to compare Mike to Sam - the person who abused me, controlled me, and manipulated me. Mike wants the best for me, Sam wanted the best for himself - which was me under his thumb. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?
Do they realize what that has done to me? I am devastated. He is my best friend. And they have just stripped me of him. Even though I am not allowed to see him or call him, that will not stop me. I dearly love my friend, and nothing will keep us apart. I have many ways of communicating with him, and I will utilize any way to keep in touch. I refuse to give in for something that is worthwhile to my and his happiness.
I will persevere. I have to.
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Harry Clarke is one of my favourite artists - one of the very few that I collect (very lazily; I have two ink drawings and some pencil sketches by him).
None are as scarylovely as this.
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(Source: theonlymagicleftisart)
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Sunny Day
Had an amazing day today with a certain someone, and I look forward to many more after graduation. I hope this wonderful feeling lasts :)
